One way I like to think about it is whether I am deciding to do things because of fear or joy. i.e. I should exercise because if I don't I am at more risk of bad health outcomes. I was invited by my partner for a run earlier this week and was shocked by how much I loved the feeling of running outside.
A thing I noticed was that this dichotomy is very well layered. See if it happens for you. The impetus to play may start to feel like it slides over to being a fear. i.e. "You should play or you will miss out on all the joys you should be having".
I've found that acceptance of fear and uncertainty and loving that I care, but being separate enough to feel the tug of joy is the easiest way to "play" with the fear based thoughts.
I like this a lot. Another way of putting it, which I've heard used, is of doing things because you're in survival mode vs doing them out of appetite. If you're a person who has spent a long time in survival mode, it can be comparatively easy to do things that seem like duties, responsibilities, etc, because not doing them might not even feel like an option. But to be in touch with your true appetite, to know it and to act on it? Well, some people don't have an issue with that, but enough do.
Have a read of The Control Heuristic by Luca Dellanna. He has an interesting (and intuitively sound) model for the intention-behaviour gap, and much besides. His podcast on Econtalk is also worth a listen.
Ok coming back -- just finished listening to the podcast, which gave me food for thought right to the end. Dellanna's articulation of the problem is great (and I see how it fits with my post), though it also sounded like a lot of work remains to be done on solutions to the problem.
Hi Irina. Thanks for following up. I would agree with that, and the book is likewise much stronger on the model than it is with how you can work practically with the ideas. If you enjoyed the podcast - it's hard not to enjoy anything that Russ Roberts is involved in :-) - then I do recommend the book. I liked the podcast a lot, the book goes a lot deeper into the ideas. Which I suppose should be obvious! I have written a couple of summaries, intended for personal use. But I'd happily share with you if you can PM me (not sure if you can do that on Substack, though). Onwards.
I like the idea and want to come back sometimes. "Discipline is what’s supposed to make the difference between doing the sustaining thing and succumbing to Resistance." And I put it in our newsletter.
Your article resonated with me quite a bit, as it put into easily digestable paragraphs, what feelings and thoughts have gone through my head, more than once!
My comment on this has 2 parts:
1) Learnings from my therapy: the idea of your ideal-self
Many ideas about personality, habits and how to grow as a person, that i got in touch with in the past, I would categorize as cognitive-behavioral theories. So when I finally got myself a therapist instead of another self-help book (can recommend), I picked one with a humanistic person-centered approach.
Many struggles, regarding what I knew to be the right thing to do, versus what I wanted to do, versus what I thought others expected of me, got untangled in the process. Those new theories were a good addition to how I understood behaviour in the past.
2) My personal solution
One idea I learned through guided meditation, was to notice feelings or thoughts, rather than following them. So when I get the idea to go for a swim and immediately some resisting thoughts pop up, about how it's too far away and so on, sometimes - i need to meditate more regularly - i manage to notice the resistance against the initial effort - but keep my body moving - packing my swim gear and getting on my bike.
I have the strong sense, in many areas of my life, that if I'm trying to exercise discipline or willpower then I've already missed the boat. I might be able to force whatever behaviour I'm after for a while, but 'failure' (for want of a better word) is never far away. I do much better when I use my energy to create the conditions that will motivate the behaviour in the future. Unfortunately it can be quite hard to figure out what that is! But 90% of the time it seems to be basic wellbeing stuff like 'getting enough sleep' or 'talking about my anxieties'. (How do you make yourself feel like doing those when you know you should? Er…)
(I use the same approach for getting my toddler in the bath: the direct approach doesn't work, but e.g. getting excited about taking a particular toy in the bath later does.)
This is such a good way of putting it. It's like you're expending psychic energy to do the thing, instead of easily moving towards it. Habit does the same work, but you have to get to the point of having built the habit.
I think one of the other answers is: other people. This is not an original observation in any way, but a lot of things are easier to do in a group: writing, sportsing, talking about anxieties... Collective momentum just makes it easier to do the good thing than not to do it.
And I'm not thinking of responsibility to the group so much as just the group being there! If in my daily zoom writing hour I check my email instead, it won't let down the other writers as they won't know. But them being there and doing the same thing as me, on one of my screens, even in the background, has this amazing way of focusing my brain.
Well, started writing for my work blog ,posts about healthcare and the nuances that come with clinical practice. It was fun, had flow and simply something I did for fun.....as soon as I put a calendar reminder to when I should have the next post up, I got demotivated and I always run out of time to do it.....guess ,it's the timeline ,the notion of productiveness that is taking all the joy of writing from it.
Play activates the ventral (front side) of our vagus nerve. It responds to cues of physical safety and safe emotionally connections. It improves resilience and up-regulates our emotions from reactive fight/flight and immobilizing collapse.
One of explanations of procrastination that i know - people don't do something that they think they should/want to do because of conflict between wishes, needs or reality and some of their inner mental constructs/models (learnt habits, behavior models, cognitive biases, fears, unconscious fatigue sensation etc). The hippocampus triggers a system of inhibition of behavior due to a conflict of goals. Result of that inhibition is anxiety (ref to The neuropsychology of anxiety, Book by Jeffrey Alan Gray). To cope with anxiety child begins to act up, may cry, refuse to do what the parent tells. Adults can surf the web instead of doing important things or do a simple task/action. In the case of a child, the reason is simply solved - what the parent wants does not correspond to his goal of having fun. Sometimes that conclusion works with an adult :) But more often its more complicated of course. To solve procrastination puzzle with an adult, you need to understand the cause of the conflict. Discipline can work but it is more of a hack. And sometimes probably only a hack can work with adults too? - we tend to stay kids till the end... Discipline helps to start acting, probably this is the most important thing. Perhaps we are constantly in a state of conflict - there are so many opportunities for action that we find it difficult to choose, you CAN'T CHOOSE swimming, for example? Playing games is fun and by gamification we can reduce severity of the conflict.
I've spent a lot of time thinking about what activities I have experienced this phenomenon with and the most significant one is walking.
I take two walks a day (early morning and evening) and these days I do it on autopilot almost. I know I'll feel better when it's done and so I don't hesitate.
But it wasn't always like that, in the beginning I had to drag myself (literally) to take one walk every morning. I knew I'd feel better at the end of it but for some reason I had to fight to do it.
What I find really curious is that I don't know when the transition happened and why. When did it cross from something to struggle through to something to enjoy and savour? I can't tell, and I might never have thought about it if I hadn't read this.
I wonder if it was building a strong enough association between walking and feeling good? Funny you should have written this today, this evening was the first time in *years* that I didn't have to fight myself at all to go to ballet class. I just slipped into my leotard and jumped on the bus and was there, and there wasn't a whole *process*.
I think that might be it really. I initially started walking as a way to cope during the pandemic lockdowns two years ago. Being cooped up in a small space with a lot of people as someone who likes space was bad enough. But I was also having what the worst mental breakdown of my life during that period.
And so I started walking as a way to get away for a while, it only occured to me later that I really do enjoy walking and that I should stick with it after the lockdowns.
It's been two years and I think I just realise subconsciously now that this feels good. Walking feels really really really good.
I'm happy for you re: ballet as well. Funny thing is I've always wanted to take ballet classes if I could manage it (I haven't been able to yet). Watching ballet dancers do their thing is magic on some level.
You can! There is some decent basic instruction to be had online now is a studio is out of reach. And in case it's at all motivating, I wrote a long essay about this once: https://longreads.com/2017/02/07/swan-late/
I’d love this! I definitely have that same struggle - but I never struggle to go out with my camera. OK occasionally, but for the most part I don’t struggle with that. Why? Because it’s play! It’s fun and I never know what will be there. I know if I don’t go I might miss something. Now I want to think about how to make writing and drawing and going to bed on time or eating things that are good for me follow that same path. So much to think about. For a couple years now I’ve been trying - or at least wanting - to play more and be more playful. I seem to run up against this image of myself as a serious person who wants to be taken seriously. I want to ponder what you’ve written a little bit longer. Maybe some new piece will fall into place. I’d really like to be more lighthearted and fun!
For quite a few years now, my wife has been a champion of “purposeful play,” in which she encourages and guides adults (usually) stressed out, lonely, stifled, or stuck to engage in various forms of play. She set up two tetherball sets outside her apartment for the public to use. They wore out within months. She’s had her own paint and sip parties where people paint, color, sing, or dance as they see fit. They love it. She loves it. She has reminded me many times that I need to learn how to play again. In other words, everything you wrote resonates.
Tetherball! I miss that. Oh, C. is wise, very wise. And I'd love to go to her parties -- or throw some like them. I particularly like the idea of painting together....
We did a couple of paintings by ourselves (well, with a video teacher) that were very relaxing. I highly recommend it. And I have zero training in art.
Really enjoyed this, Irina! I agree that play is massively under-valued in contemporary life (In Japan or Thailand it is not quite as disparaged). I loved this book https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Homo_Ludens
Good morning! Alex Kerr has a wonderful book on Bangkok in which he talks about the way play is a kind of foundational concept in Thai culture. I also have this short essay on play in Japan but my essay is mostly just various ideas that I want to explore more on someday. One of my most interesting translation jobs was late in my career when I worked for a philosopher at the university of Hiroshima and one of his main research areas was the concept of play in Japanese culture and how in the west it’s not similar. I learned a lot and I thought a lot about these projects that we give ourselves and I tend to really see Eye to eye with you what you said about swimming about play about that being a type of natural mode for being in the world. Please should be work and work should be play and that these are complelaatable according to this philosopher and I really thought you hit the nail on the head. Here is my essay but it’s mostly just random thoughts. The ancient Chinese character play comes from journey. The Sabbath movement I think is also based in play. It kind of bears play against pharaoh where is my philosopher boss was saying they should never be dismantled from each other that work is play and play is work and then play should inform everything in life it’s kind of like that flow idea which is something that post Heidegerreans talk a lot about skillful negotiating or something https://3quarksdaily.com/3quarksdaily/2013/06/playing-around-%E0%A4%B2%E0%A5%80%E0%A4%B2%E0%A4%BE.html
I so enjoyed this essay, Leanne -- thank you! You're encouraging me to return to Huizinga, but also to look at that Providence book... for some reason the most calm periods of my life were those when I felt part of a structure or a narrative outside my own control. But it's not really a belief one can force, alas.
I have it on Audible and Kindle but yet have not read it yet. I really want to! I have re-read Huizinga's book multiple times. He was an interesting person. I think he was one of the scholars and thinkers discussed in Normon Cantor's Inventing the Middle Ages. I just got a copy of Lost and Found because your review was so fascinating. I am really enjoying your substack!
I'm reading your posts out of order and way later that you published them, but this connects in my mind to your piece about owning your writing. I thought of writing in terms of discipline for a long time, but now I think of it as a practice. The difference to me is that discipline strives toward a certain goal or outcome, the carrot at the other end of the stick we're supposed to whip ourselves with. But a practice is much simpler: the only point is showing up. It may go well; it may go badly; I may hate it; I may love; I may be very productive; I may produce nothing but drivel. The point is just to show and be myself, and see what happens. And play is essential. A 45-year-old guy keeps showing up for pick-up basketball games just to play. He's never going to be in the NBA; he's never going to make money at it or win acclaim. He just feels like himself when he's doing it. Writing is my practice.
Maybe the people you know that go play soccer and basketball do that because those are hobbies. And even then, maybe sometimes they don't feel like going - fun as it might be - but they do it anyway because they took a responsibility towards others to show up. Would that be discipline?
A balance between discipline and play?
Or maybe we might just try to take pride in the fact that we're doing it *despite* not wanting to, if we made a decision to take up a responsibility, towards others or ourselves.
What I'm interested in is something very specific -- why it is sometimes difficult to do the things we deeply *want* to do. I know enough people who have hobbies that they never get to.... work takes precedence, other duties, responsibilities. For many people I know "responsibility" is pretty easy to show up for -- they will easily work evenings, weekends, and so on. But their own pleasure is comparatively hard to make time for, even if it is both delightful and in many ways good for them.
Though I think it's a useful distinction to make between "wanting" something and "feeling like it." That's basically the difference I'm interested in.
It might be interesting to investigate the difference between "wanting" something to "enjoying" something. Like the difference of anticipating something and experiencing it. In this piece you responded to enjoying your swim by being dissatisfied on not doing it more at other times in the summer. When you are enjoying it right now. ;) That's a really interesting response to impermanence.
Or maybe its the weight of different predictions. (RE: Stumbling on Happiness) There are always reasons not to do things, or potential challenges on taking some action, and some of us are really good at brainstorming those potential obstacles. How much do we weigh those risks and make decisions based on them? Another way to think about it is how do we bring the 20/20 from hindsight to the foresight? ;) Can you predict how something will feel in advance so allow you to choose to do it? (But I will note, if you find yourself in a place of joy, you chose "properly")
Or another way to bring intention to experience more joy: Can you manufacture scenarios that place you in positions where you experience joy? Either by establishing narratives that you like certain things, or work with a partner to set up a routine, or set up a response heuristic to notice some reason to say no and question it, or noticing and cataloging a joyous experience so you can do it again sometime, or set some external expectation that you feel like you need to meet, or practicing being more mindful or grateful so you find yourself noticing joy more often.
Thank you for this article, it is something interesting to bite into for sure.
"noticing and cataloging a joyous experience so you can do it again sometime"
This part I do quite consciously -- usually involves writing friends after ballet class and asking them to remind me how much I love it, which is really a reminder to myself. I think it really works, it strengthens the connection between going to ballet and the near-ecstatic feeling I have *afterwards*.
One way I like to think about it is whether I am deciding to do things because of fear or joy. i.e. I should exercise because if I don't I am at more risk of bad health outcomes. I was invited by my partner for a run earlier this week and was shocked by how much I loved the feeling of running outside.
A thing I noticed was that this dichotomy is very well layered. See if it happens for you. The impetus to play may start to feel like it slides over to being a fear. i.e. "You should play or you will miss out on all the joys you should be having".
I've found that acceptance of fear and uncertainty and loving that I care, but being separate enough to feel the tug of joy is the easiest way to "play" with the fear based thoughts.
I like this a lot. Another way of putting it, which I've heard used, is of doing things because you're in survival mode vs doing them out of appetite. If you're a person who has spent a long time in survival mode, it can be comparatively easy to do things that seem like duties, responsibilities, etc, because not doing them might not even feel like an option. But to be in touch with your true appetite, to know it and to act on it? Well, some people don't have an issue with that, but enough do.
Oh no that’s really interesting to ponder too, thank you!
Have a read of The Control Heuristic by Luca Dellanna. He has an interesting (and intuitively sound) model for the intention-behaviour gap, and much besides. His podcast on Econtalk is also worth a listen.
Ok coming back -- just finished listening to the podcast, which gave me food for thought right to the end. Dellanna's articulation of the problem is great (and I see how it fits with my post), though it also sounded like a lot of work remains to be done on solutions to the problem.
Hi Irina. Thanks for following up. I would agree with that, and the book is likewise much stronger on the model than it is with how you can work practically with the ideas. If you enjoyed the podcast - it's hard not to enjoy anything that Russ Roberts is involved in :-) - then I do recommend the book. I liked the podcast a lot, the book goes a lot deeper into the ideas. Which I suppose should be obvious! I have written a couple of summaries, intended for personal use. But I'd happily share with you if you can PM me (not sure if you can do that on Substack, though). Onwards.
Hi Paul. I'd appreciate that a lot! PM doesn't seem to be something Substack offers yet (though as it works its way to media domination, who knows?), but my work email is here: https://www.iaak.uni-bonn.de/de/people/dumitrescu/prof.dr.-irina-dumitrescu
Ooh thank you for this! It looks like just the thing.
I like the idea and want to come back sometimes. "Discipline is what’s supposed to make the difference between doing the sustaining thing and succumbing to Resistance." And I put it in our newsletter.
Memo to myself: https://share.glasp.co/kei/?p=athzfSrk5Gns5IcnnfVt
Thank you for reading and sharing!
Thank you, Irina! I learned a lot from you!
Your article resonated with me quite a bit, as it put into easily digestable paragraphs, what feelings and thoughts have gone through my head, more than once!
My comment on this has 2 parts:
1) Learnings from my therapy: the idea of your ideal-self
Many ideas about personality, habits and how to grow as a person, that i got in touch with in the past, I would categorize as cognitive-behavioral theories. So when I finally got myself a therapist instead of another self-help book (can recommend), I picked one with a humanistic person-centered approach.
Many struggles, regarding what I knew to be the right thing to do, versus what I wanted to do, versus what I thought others expected of me, got untangled in the process. Those new theories were a good addition to how I understood behaviour in the past.
2) My personal solution
One idea I learned through guided meditation, was to notice feelings or thoughts, rather than following them. So when I get the idea to go for a swim and immediately some resisting thoughts pop up, about how it's too far away and so on, sometimes - i need to meditate more regularly - i manage to notice the resistance against the initial effort - but keep my body moving - packing my swim gear and getting on my bike.
All of this is great, but the idea of specifically noticing resisting thoughts is gold. Will try this -- thank you!
I have the strong sense, in many areas of my life, that if I'm trying to exercise discipline or willpower then I've already missed the boat. I might be able to force whatever behaviour I'm after for a while, but 'failure' (for want of a better word) is never far away. I do much better when I use my energy to create the conditions that will motivate the behaviour in the future. Unfortunately it can be quite hard to figure out what that is! But 90% of the time it seems to be basic wellbeing stuff like 'getting enough sleep' or 'talking about my anxieties'. (How do you make yourself feel like doing those when you know you should? Er…)
(I use the same approach for getting my toddler in the bath: the direct approach doesn't work, but e.g. getting excited about taking a particular toy in the bath later does.)
This is such a good way of putting it. It's like you're expending psychic energy to do the thing, instead of easily moving towards it. Habit does the same work, but you have to get to the point of having built the habit.
I think one of the other answers is: other people. This is not an original observation in any way, but a lot of things are easier to do in a group: writing, sportsing, talking about anxieties... Collective momentum just makes it easier to do the good thing than not to do it.
And I'm not thinking of responsibility to the group so much as just the group being there! If in my daily zoom writing hour I check my email instead, it won't let down the other writers as they won't know. But them being there and doing the same thing as me, on one of my screens, even in the background, has this amazing way of focusing my brain.
Well, started writing for my work blog ,posts about healthcare and the nuances that come with clinical practice. It was fun, had flow and simply something I did for fun.....as soon as I put a calendar reminder to when I should have the next post up, I got demotivated and I always run out of time to do it.....guess ,it's the timeline ,the notion of productiveness that is taking all the joy of writing from it.
This is why I refuse to follow Substack's advice to post regularly.
Play activates the ventral (front side) of our vagus nerve. It responds to cues of physical safety and safe emotionally connections. It improves resilience and up-regulates our emotions from reactive fight/flight and immobilizing collapse.
One of explanations of procrastination that i know - people don't do something that they think they should/want to do because of conflict between wishes, needs or reality and some of their inner mental constructs/models (learnt habits, behavior models, cognitive biases, fears, unconscious fatigue sensation etc). The hippocampus triggers a system of inhibition of behavior due to a conflict of goals. Result of that inhibition is anxiety (ref to The neuropsychology of anxiety, Book by Jeffrey Alan Gray). To cope with anxiety child begins to act up, may cry, refuse to do what the parent tells. Adults can surf the web instead of doing important things or do a simple task/action. In the case of a child, the reason is simply solved - what the parent wants does not correspond to his goal of having fun. Sometimes that conclusion works with an adult :) But more often its more complicated of course. To solve procrastination puzzle with an adult, you need to understand the cause of the conflict. Discipline can work but it is more of a hack. And sometimes probably only a hack can work with adults too? - we tend to stay kids till the end... Discipline helps to start acting, probably this is the most important thing. Perhaps we are constantly in a state of conflict - there are so many opportunities for action that we find it difficult to choose, you CAN'T CHOOSE swimming, for example? Playing games is fun and by gamification we can reduce severity of the conflict.
This is wonderful, thank you. I will look up that book.
I've spent a lot of time thinking about what activities I have experienced this phenomenon with and the most significant one is walking.
I take two walks a day (early morning and evening) and these days I do it on autopilot almost. I know I'll feel better when it's done and so I don't hesitate.
But it wasn't always like that, in the beginning I had to drag myself (literally) to take one walk every morning. I knew I'd feel better at the end of it but for some reason I had to fight to do it.
What I find really curious is that I don't know when the transition happened and why. When did it cross from something to struggle through to something to enjoy and savour? I can't tell, and I might never have thought about it if I hadn't read this.
I wonder if it was building a strong enough association between walking and feeling good? Funny you should have written this today, this evening was the first time in *years* that I didn't have to fight myself at all to go to ballet class. I just slipped into my leotard and jumped on the bus and was there, and there wasn't a whole *process*.
I think that might be it really. I initially started walking as a way to cope during the pandemic lockdowns two years ago. Being cooped up in a small space with a lot of people as someone who likes space was bad enough. But I was also having what the worst mental breakdown of my life during that period.
And so I started walking as a way to get away for a while, it only occured to me later that I really do enjoy walking and that I should stick with it after the lockdowns.
It's been two years and I think I just realise subconsciously now that this feels good. Walking feels really really really good.
I'm happy for you re: ballet as well. Funny thing is I've always wanted to take ballet classes if I could manage it (I haven't been able to yet). Watching ballet dancers do their thing is magic on some level.
You can! There is some decent basic instruction to be had online now is a studio is out of reach. And in case it's at all motivating, I wrote a long essay about this once: https://longreads.com/2017/02/07/swan-late/
That has never occurred to me honestly, I'll check for some. And I'm definitely reading the long essay of course. Thank you!
I’d love this! I definitely have that same struggle - but I never struggle to go out with my camera. OK occasionally, but for the most part I don’t struggle with that. Why? Because it’s play! It’s fun and I never know what will be there. I know if I don’t go I might miss something. Now I want to think about how to make writing and drawing and going to bed on time or eating things that are good for me follow that same path. So much to think about. For a couple years now I’ve been trying - or at least wanting - to play more and be more playful. I seem to run up against this image of myself as a serious person who wants to be taken seriously. I want to ponder what you’ve written a little bit longer. Maybe some new piece will fall into place. I’d really like to be more lighthearted and fun!
For quite a few years now, my wife has been a champion of “purposeful play,” in which she encourages and guides adults (usually) stressed out, lonely, stifled, or stuck to engage in various forms of play. She set up two tetherball sets outside her apartment for the public to use. They wore out within months. She’s had her own paint and sip parties where people paint, color, sing, or dance as they see fit. They love it. She loves it. She has reminded me many times that I need to learn how to play again. In other words, everything you wrote resonates.
Though... now, rereading my own post, and thinking about your scholarly work -- do you not find it interesting that you are an expert on satire?
I decided to study satire both because I love it and because—as I often told people—“If I’m going to grad school, I’d like to laugh once in a while.”
Tetherball! I miss that. Oh, C. is wise, very wise. And I'd love to go to her parties -- or throw some like them. I particularly like the idea of painting together....
We did a couple of paintings by ourselves (well, with a video teacher) that were very relaxing. I highly recommend it. And I have zero training in art.
Really enjoyed this, Irina! I agree that play is massively under-valued in contemporary life (In Japan or Thailand it is not quite as disparaged). I loved this book https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Homo_Ludens
I really need to revisit that. Tell me about play in Japan & Thailand though?
Good morning! Alex Kerr has a wonderful book on Bangkok in which he talks about the way play is a kind of foundational concept in Thai culture. I also have this short essay on play in Japan but my essay is mostly just various ideas that I want to explore more on someday. One of my most interesting translation jobs was late in my career when I worked for a philosopher at the university of Hiroshima and one of his main research areas was the concept of play in Japanese culture and how in the west it’s not similar. I learned a lot and I thought a lot about these projects that we give ourselves and I tend to really see Eye to eye with you what you said about swimming about play about that being a type of natural mode for being in the world. Please should be work and work should be play and that these are complelaatable according to this philosopher and I really thought you hit the nail on the head. Here is my essay but it’s mostly just random thoughts. The ancient Chinese character play comes from journey. The Sabbath movement I think is also based in play. It kind of bears play against pharaoh where is my philosopher boss was saying they should never be dismantled from each other that work is play and play is work and then play should inform everything in life it’s kind of like that flow idea which is something that post Heidegerreans talk a lot about skillful negotiating or something https://3quarksdaily.com/3quarksdaily/2013/06/playing-around-%E0%A4%B2%E0%A5%80%E0%A4%B2%E0%A4%BE.html
I so enjoyed this essay, Leanne -- thank you! You're encouraging me to return to Huizinga, but also to look at that Providence book... for some reason the most calm periods of my life were those when I felt part of a structure or a narrative outside my own control. But it's not really a belief one can force, alas.
Oh and I meant to add: also on my pile right now is Lewis Hyde's Trickster Makes the World. Have you read it?
I have it on Audible and Kindle but yet have not read it yet. I really want to! I have re-read Huizinga's book multiple times. He was an interesting person. I think he was one of the scholars and thinkers discussed in Normon Cantor's Inventing the Middle Ages. I just got a copy of Lost and Found because your review was so fascinating. I am really enjoying your substack!
I agree completely. I am working on an essay about this in one of my writing classes. Providence was so interesting on that topic. xoxo
I'm reading your posts out of order and way later that you published them, but this connects in my mind to your piece about owning your writing. I thought of writing in terms of discipline for a long time, but now I think of it as a practice. The difference to me is that discipline strives toward a certain goal or outcome, the carrot at the other end of the stick we're supposed to whip ourselves with. But a practice is much simpler: the only point is showing up. It may go well; it may go badly; I may hate it; I may love; I may be very productive; I may produce nothing but drivel. The point is just to show and be myself, and see what happens. And play is essential. A 45-year-old guy keeps showing up for pick-up basketball games just to play. He's never going to be in the NBA; he's never going to make money at it or win acclaim. He just feels like himself when he's doing it. Writing is my practice.
Read Tiny Habits
Maybe the people you know that go play soccer and basketball do that because those are hobbies. And even then, maybe sometimes they don't feel like going - fun as it might be - but they do it anyway because they took a responsibility towards others to show up. Would that be discipline?
A balance between discipline and play?
Or maybe we might just try to take pride in the fact that we're doing it *despite* not wanting to, if we made a decision to take up a responsibility, towards others or ourselves.
Would that count as "play"? :-)
What I'm interested in is something very specific -- why it is sometimes difficult to do the things we deeply *want* to do. I know enough people who have hobbies that they never get to.... work takes precedence, other duties, responsibilities. For many people I know "responsibility" is pretty easy to show up for -- they will easily work evenings, weekends, and so on. But their own pleasure is comparatively hard to make time for, even if it is both delightful and in many ways good for them.
Though I think it's a useful distinction to make between "wanting" something and "feeling like it." That's basically the difference I'm interested in.
It might be interesting to investigate the difference between "wanting" something to "enjoying" something. Like the difference of anticipating something and experiencing it. In this piece you responded to enjoying your swim by being dissatisfied on not doing it more at other times in the summer. When you are enjoying it right now. ;) That's a really interesting response to impermanence.
Or maybe its the weight of different predictions. (RE: Stumbling on Happiness) There are always reasons not to do things, or potential challenges on taking some action, and some of us are really good at brainstorming those potential obstacles. How much do we weigh those risks and make decisions based on them? Another way to think about it is how do we bring the 20/20 from hindsight to the foresight? ;) Can you predict how something will feel in advance so allow you to choose to do it? (But I will note, if you find yourself in a place of joy, you chose "properly")
Or another way to bring intention to experience more joy: Can you manufacture scenarios that place you in positions where you experience joy? Either by establishing narratives that you like certain things, or work with a partner to set up a routine, or set up a response heuristic to notice some reason to say no and question it, or noticing and cataloging a joyous experience so you can do it again sometime, or set some external expectation that you feel like you need to meet, or practicing being more mindful or grateful so you find yourself noticing joy more often.
Thank you for this article, it is something interesting to bite into for sure.
"noticing and cataloging a joyous experience so you can do it again sometime"
This part I do quite consciously -- usually involves writing friends after ballet class and asking them to remind me how much I love it, which is really a reminder to myself. I think it really works, it strengthens the connection between going to ballet and the near-ecstatic feeling I have *afterwards*.