I am sorry to hear about your failure. To my mind you could not be more successful. I read both LRB and TLS regularly and I always look forward to your pieces.
It may be because I am curious how you balance your two brains, as I have a somewhat similar task: I grew up in Romania, but left at 25 to pursue graduate study in the UK, where I am still living and working, nearly 30 years later.
In answer to your query about luck (good and bad) versus hard work... what if both are true in some way? Is it not interesting how combinations and re-combinations can emerge?
There’s a wonderful book by Australian philosopher Genevieve Lloyd, about how most western philosophy until modern times did factor in the notion ofProvidence… and how without it. Everything comes down to our own personal choices and abilities. How relentless life can feel without the notion of luck! I might’ve described it very well, but it’s called Providence lost. I’ve tried that recipe as well. Fussy extra steps
Writing coaches like to say that "plot is not what happens, but how your character responds to what happens." I think it's incredibly healthy to realize the world around us is simply too powerful and chaotic for us to have a say in what happens*, but that we can do our best with the hands we are dealt. And it's a sad how often we think our bad luck is somehow magically our own fault. Why are we so good at shaming ourselves?
Sadly, we've been raised in a culture where we've been taught that it's better to always blame ourselves for failure than acknowledge that we don't have control. But in reality our agency is limited, and, as you say, *how* we deal with loss and failure (or success) is the point.
My Indonesian father was trained as an engineer and has steadfastly applied logic and rational reasoning to most things in life but is also a lifelong lottery tickets buyer.
We considered authoring a cookbook entitled "Cooking from the other room" with illustrations of the disasters we encountered returning from our home office or laundry room. About those online video sites with "how to" videos -- I've watched many, the same ones multiple times, and have made a mess of some home projects. There is no replacement for experience. I succeed maybe 50% of the time when following along with a video.
Lol I adore you and this egg cooking story because it deeply resonates. I've had epic failures in cooking even when things looked sooooo easy. And sometimes it's luck. I like to think that when shit hits the fan it's because there's something I'm about to see/learn in the bigger picture of life in divine timing, and that it has happened for my soul's evolution, no matter how shitty or frustrating or painful or seemingly mundane. The same with good luck: I see it as gifted to me divine timing, especially after I've been working towards it in a soul-aligned way.
The hard thing for me to handle is when a bad situation (and I have a few of those going on) just goes on and on and on for years, with occasional hopes for improvement, and then repeated setbacks. The flash of bad luck can go away fast, but it's tough (for me, again) to find the meaning in the frustrations that just continue.
I hear you and validate your experiences. Sometimes it does feel like repeated setbacks and blows, no matter what we do. In those times, when making meaning of it feels hard, I try to find communal support in this weird cosmic tragicomedy that life is at times. Sending empathy. <3
Yes, I think this is the healthiest and most sound answer to all of this. We're all flawed. That's why we need each other. It's why we have families and communities. Because the variety of talents helps us do better, but also because being with others when things go to shit is a much better experience that being alone when things go to shit.
Your description of evil-eye logic dovetails beautifully with a certain sort of Scottish calvinism that I was immersed in, weirdly. Must go find Bill Duncan’s little book on it…
Please tell me what that book is! The evil eye belief is ancient and widespread, one of my hobbies is asking people from different cultures what the older generations believe about it, and what they do to combat it.
I think it would be called “tempting fate” or “counting your eggs before they’ve hatched”. My father telling me that I shouldn’t get too excited that a job interview had gone well as I might not get the job. Because excess confidence is somehow dangerous. Am optimist is never pleasantly surprised? That too. The Bill Duncan book is The Wee Book of Calvin. I hadn’t thought about how it matched up with the evil eye, even though I married into evil eye world.
Hello Irina
I am sorry to hear about your failure. To my mind you could not be more successful. I read both LRB and TLS regularly and I always look forward to your pieces.
It may be because I am curious how you balance your two brains, as I have a somewhat similar task: I grew up in Romania, but left at 25 to pursue graduate study in the UK, where I am still living and working, nearly 30 years later.
In answer to your query about luck (good and bad) versus hard work... what if both are true in some way? Is it not interesting how combinations and re-combinations can emerge?
With all good wishes,
Liliana
There’s a wonderful book by Australian philosopher Genevieve Lloyd, about how most western philosophy until modern times did factor in the notion ofProvidence… and how without it. Everything comes down to our own personal choices and abilities. How relentless life can feel without the notion of luck! I might’ve described it very well, but it’s called Providence lost. I’ve tried that recipe as well. Fussy extra steps
Thank you for this tip!
Writing coaches like to say that "plot is not what happens, but how your character responds to what happens." I think it's incredibly healthy to realize the world around us is simply too powerful and chaotic for us to have a say in what happens*, but that we can do our best with the hands we are dealt. And it's a sad how often we think our bad luck is somehow magically our own fault. Why are we so good at shaming ourselves?
(*does not apply to billionaires)
Sadly, we've been raised in a culture where we've been taught that it's better to always blame ourselves for failure than acknowledge that we don't have control. But in reality our agency is limited, and, as you say, *how* we deal with loss and failure (or success) is the point.
at least you can poach an egg! Mine always fall apart. the only way I've ever done it well is in a microwave!
I am lucky to make cereal without screwing up, so she's way ahead of me!
My Indonesian father was trained as an engineer and has steadfastly applied logic and rational reasoning to most things in life but is also a lifelong lottery tickets buyer.
We considered authoring a cookbook entitled "Cooking from the other room" with illustrations of the disasters we encountered returning from our home office or laundry room. About those online video sites with "how to" videos -- I've watched many, the same ones multiple times, and have made a mess of some home projects. There is no replacement for experience. I succeed maybe 50% of the time when following along with a video.
I love that idea. You should see the things I've done to chicken.
Lol I adore you and this egg cooking story because it deeply resonates. I've had epic failures in cooking even when things looked sooooo easy. And sometimes it's luck. I like to think that when shit hits the fan it's because there's something I'm about to see/learn in the bigger picture of life in divine timing, and that it has happened for my soul's evolution, no matter how shitty or frustrating or painful or seemingly mundane. The same with good luck: I see it as gifted to me divine timing, especially after I've been working towards it in a soul-aligned way.
The hard thing for me to handle is when a bad situation (and I have a few of those going on) just goes on and on and on for years, with occasional hopes for improvement, and then repeated setbacks. The flash of bad luck can go away fast, but it's tough (for me, again) to find the meaning in the frustrations that just continue.
I hear you and validate your experiences. Sometimes it does feel like repeated setbacks and blows, no matter what we do. In those times, when making meaning of it feels hard, I try to find communal support in this weird cosmic tragicomedy that life is at times. Sending empathy. <3
And also just laughing at the absurdity of it all, that also helps. ("We laugh to keep from crying"...)
I agree. For some questions, togetherness is the only answer.
Yes, I think this is the healthiest and most sound answer to all of this. We're all flawed. That's why we need each other. It's why we have families and communities. Because the variety of talents helps us do better, but also because being with others when things go to shit is a much better experience that being alone when things go to shit.
Your description of evil-eye logic dovetails beautifully with a certain sort of Scottish calvinism that I was immersed in, weirdly. Must go find Bill Duncan’s little book on it…
Please tell me what that book is! The evil eye belief is ancient and widespread, one of my hobbies is asking people from different cultures what the older generations believe about it, and what they do to combat it.
I think it would be called “tempting fate” or “counting your eggs before they’ve hatched”. My father telling me that I shouldn’t get too excited that a job interview had gone well as I might not get the job. Because excess confidence is somehow dangerous. Am optimist is never pleasantly surprised? That too. The Bill Duncan book is The Wee Book of Calvin. I hadn’t thought about how it matched up with the evil eye, even though I married into evil eye world.
Someone I know once told me he was up for a job and sure he would get it, and the horror I felt was something else. Have ordered this book.